broken heart

Time to get moving soon and get the kids ready for swimming.

I am worn out. A tad. Just finished last night my 6-week online course to fulfill a continuing ed credit for my teaching degree. It had been 4 years or so since I took a college grad course. Hard to believe at one point I was super grad school woman. I took courses and graduated with degrees like my life depended on it. Perhaps it does.

I know it does.

I am floundering now though. I need a job. I am searching and trying, but feel a deep floundering sense to this task of finding a job.

I need a job, but I want "the job". The job that will fulfill my calling. Blah blah.

But, truth. Not quite sure what my calling is right now.

My calling was mom for 4 years, until my soon-to-be-ex husband used my calling as a license for freedom.

I suppose my calling right now is to heal my broken heart. Isn't that horrible to say? I have an actual, metaphorically, broken heart. As I walked alone yesterday soaking in sun and miles, I could feel the split. It is a feeling I don't like, but I can't magically make it go away.